I was on the bus on the way home earlier when I suddenly thought of you, blog. I wondered how you were doing. I wondered if you were still here. I wondered if you missed me, if you were wondering where I was.

Well, I’ll tell you.

I was everywhere, blog. I was high in the heaven and deep in the depths of hell. I was exploring oceans, mapping out new lands. I was living life the way it was meant to be lived, confusing, confounding, contemplating the meaning of it all. I was trying to find myself, by moving across countries back to where I felt I belonged, realizing I don’t quite belong here after all. I was reconnecting with old friends, realizing they weren’t who I thought they were and I wasn’t who they thought I was and that sometimes not trying at all is much better than giving it everything and failing. I was discovering new things about myself, new capabilities, new strength, a whole reservoir of can do-ness that I never thought I possessed. I was discovering new loves and letting go of old ones, while realizing that old or new, they’re not that much different after all.

What I’m trying to say, blog, is this.

I’ve moved! I’ve moved from Malaysia back to Singapore, where I spent my formative years of high school and pre-u. I moved back for a job, then changed to another job, and now another job that literally fell into my lap (that story another time!) and that I’m growing increasingly unsure about except for the fact that it’s relatively stress-free and pays well. I’ve traveled, seeing new places and meeting new people and realizing that there’s really no place as good as home. I’ve lost old friends through stupidity and staying honest to myself, reconnected with old friends due to circumstance and knowing myself, made new friends through new hobbies. Gained new hobbies, well, new hobby – pole dancing. Yes, I pole dance now! Have been for eight months and counting (that story, too, will be told another time).

So blog, don’t worry about me. Even though I may disappear for big swatches of time, I’ll eventually remember you and come back.


I’ll try to blog more often, because I realize all the writing I do now is either for work or for fandom (yet another story for yet another time), and seldom do I write for myself. My diary, which I’d dutifully filled since moving here, has not been touched (literally!) for months. If I recall correctly, since January.

I’ll promise you I’ll try, blog. Until next time.


(x)clusive!: Taeyang charms, teases and finds himself a girl

So this happened and it was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be! I can officially say I’m obsessed now.

(x)clusive ★

Taeyang-in-Malaysia-12 Text By: Simin | Photos By: IME Productions

In a mere two hours, Taeyang manages to charm, tease, and find himself a girl, all while singing and dancing through his set list of hits.

Kicking off the concert with high-octane tunes Body, Superstar, and Move, the crowd instantly goes wild. The catchy songs are well served by Taeyang’s sparkly gold pants that emphasize his every movement as he grooves on the brightly lit stage.


A quick costume change later, the mood takes a turn for the emotional. Taking his place at the keyboard set up in the middle of the stage, Taeyang croons the sentimental You’re My, followed by the sleek R&B track I Need A Girl. The crowd sings along enthusiastically, and becomes visibly excited when Taeyang leads an audience member on stage (who was already waiting in the wings). Once he gets confirmation…

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A year in retrospect

Now that we’ve plunged into 2015, it’s high time I dust off this blog and write something… anything.

2014 was relatively good year for me.

Work was largely smooth-sailing; I learned a hell of a lot this year about all the little elements to do with my job and the creative industry. The learning curve was steep, but climbing it was enjoyable.

Family life was peaceful, with no major disputes or discords between us. I made a promise with myself a long time ago to stop being a petty, whiny princess bitch to my brother and my parents, and I think I’ve done well to keep it. My relationship with my brother is not mended or tight in any way, but we’re finally acting like adults around each other. I think that’s a vast improvement.

Most importantly, I’ve reconnected with someone whom I have always held dear in my heart. We’re nowhere close to being what we used to be, but this is a start.


In 2014, I also became a homeowner. (In name only; I have yet to start serving my mortgage.)

In the beginning of 2014, I decided not to make any resolutions, but I did say that I will stop retreating each time someone makes an emotional advance. Secretly, I also decided that I should say yes to everything.

Sad to say, I haven’t been able to keep the first promise, but I think I did pretty well with the second. Perhaps too well.

This year, I think it’s time to start saying no, especially when I mean no. I will be the bigger person in all situations. I will learn to laugh and let go.

Here’s to an even better year.

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July, Independence, and All Change

It seems like January was just yesterday. 

A new thing I’ve started this month – green smoothies! Or smoothies, in general. I’m currently on the second day of a 3-day smoothie cleanse, and I’m feeling great. It’s a good feeling to know that the instant I’m feeling peckish, I can whip up a smoothie and drink that, and have all the cravings magically disappear. It’s a great way to make myself eat celery, which I absolutely detest in its raw and cooked form. 

That said, I have been experiencing cravings for raw food like crazy since I started. I miss chewing, snacking, and it’s like any little thing sets me off. I’ve thought of, in no particular order, donuts, frozen yogurt, chocolate, chips, pizza, beer, even kfc. I’m never one to crave junk food, not at all, but right now I just want everything and anything. BREAD is a huge thing. I crave that floury, buttery goodness so much, I can’t even describe it. But I will stick to my guns and tough this out. 3 days, just on smoothies, it’s not too bad. It’s not bad at all. Once the three days are up, I might still do one green smoothie a day, just for the hell of it. It’s a great way to put away the required vegetables and fruits – you can never have too much of those. 

The second all change – yes, there are two this month – is that I’m now a property owner! *Cue applause and confetti. Well, loan approval pending, but all the papers are signed. Once I get the go ahead from the bank, I will effectively owe my mom and the bank a fuckton of money. I really shouldn’t be looking forward to that, but surprisingly, I am. Guess it’s because I know my money’s going to a good place instead of being spent on frivolous things. It’s expensive (by some standards), but it’s a (I guess) good investment. Funny how I’m not afraid of being saddled with a debt to the tune of a little more than half a million?

Expected completion is in the first quarter of next year. And then I’ll have to worry about getting some tenants for the place… actually I’m already worrying about that now. Oh well. Everything will fall into place. Boat, dock, course, and all that. 


Two days to Independence Day! (Three if time difference is taken into consideration but hey.)

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Movie Review: In Your Eyes

(There be spoilers in this post)

If I were to describe Joss Whedon’s In Your Eyes in one word, it would be ‘sweet’. Continue reading

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Up in April

All the reading I’ve been doing recently about the economic situation here in Malaysia, coupled with articles on the realities of the income of middle class Malaysians, the spate of retrenchment at my company, and the staggering electricity bills I’d gotten recently, I think it’s time to reevaluate my finances.

I used to think I got lucky in my pay – a point that has remained constant through all the full time jobs I’d held. I’ve always been paid above the market rate, and had gotten what I’d asked for. I think it’s forgiveable for me to have thought that, since I’m making better money, I’m privileged to spend more.


I’m beginning to learn that there’s no such thing as more disposable income. The more you earn, the more you’d want or think you can spend. But that’s not true. the amount of disposable income does not increase. The price of what you spend on does. If I earned 1000 bucks a month, I’d frequent eateries such as mamak stalls or hawker centers, and the occasional (non-pricey) restaurant. If I earned 5000 bucks, I’d naturally forgo the food trucks and head straight for Chilli’s all day, every day.

The more I earn, the more I’d spend on things that are more expensive as opposed to continuing to spend on cheaper stuff, of which I could buy more. Real life example: I’d stopped shopping at Berjaya Times Square now that I’m no longer a student living off an allowance. Instead, I’m buying more high street brands, and have been saving up for brands (which I promised myself I’d never succumb to. How things change.)

But I digress. It’s time to monitor my finances, and curb impulse spending. (Like on my pet hedgehog.) Having more money doesn’t mean I have to spend more of it. It just means I should be able to save more. Come April, it’s time to re-evaluate what’s worth spending on and what’s not (basically everything).

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All Change, or how to not give a fuck anymore

This month’s all change is easy-peasy. 

1. Do not engage. 

2. If engagement is unavoidable, just say no. 


The title of the post may be misleading, but this isn’t written in a fit of anger. It’s written in cold deliberation. Because life is too short to care about or for anything or anyone who is not family, or people I see as family. Who are few and far between. 

Six months in, I think it’s time to move on. 

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A Little Love Story

She cries a little when daddy decides to shave off her badly-cut hair.

The next day, she steps into the kindergarten in trepidation. Her head is completely covered by a cloche hat. She intends to keep it that way.

But the weather doesn’t listen. The sun continues to radiate like molten gold. It soon becomes unbearable.

She takes off the hat and clenches it in her little fists. Her eyes meet his.

“You’re beautiful,” he says, slack-jawed.

She smiles a little.

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The Adonis on the train

My first impression of you was that you had a bit of stubble – perhaps you were trying to grow out a mustache – and, not being one much for facial hair, it made me look back at my phone. Five stops later, I notice that you were wearing a really nice watch. Nothing flashy and not something that screamed expensive, but looked classy without being over the top. Then my gaze traveled down to your shoes, passing pressed shirt and slacks on the way. They were brown leather, slightly scuffed in a “worn everyday” kind of way. Your profile was pleasant. Definition without the chisel, Attractive but approachable.

The remaining three stops were spent with me surreptitiously checking you out. You were on Instagram the entire time, and probably noticed that I noticed. Or not – I can be inconspicuous when I want to. But you were by far the best looking guy on the train.

It was only when I got off the train that I thought of asking you out, perhaps for a coffee, but you were gone – you either don’t take the same connecting line as I do, or you just wasn’t at my end of the platform. So that was that.

Such fleet foot she has, devilish Destiny. 

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